From hating PE to marathon runner: how I came to enjoy exercise and running

BodyRunning

Feb 27

Written By

When I was a little kid I tried all the sports:

3 seasons of soccer
1 season of basketball
1 season of volleyball
1 season of softball

I hated all of them.

I also tried:

4 years of tap dance
3 years of ballet

I liked those ones. I guess I just hated team sports.

When we had to run the mile in PE it was not my favorite day but I always ran it well within the maximum allowed time but on the slower end. Physical activity just didn't come naturally to me.

Three theories on why I hated my body and team sports

One idea that I read in 2 books in 2017 and 2018, Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle and Feast by Hannah Howard, was this idea of being a woman and wanting to be physically small. I had never considered this before I saw it mentioned twice in memoirs but I was physically much larger (I was always a normal weight for my height) than all my peers because of my Scandinavian and Northern European heritage. My parents both grew up in Montana where tall Scandinavian descendants live but then they moved to Central California where many (certainly not all) residents have Latin American or Asian heritage and are often physically smaller. In adulthood, this doesn't much matter but kids can be ruthless about anything for no reason. Looking back I know I really stood out because of how tall and big I was. I was wearing a women's size 9 shoe in 3rd grade and had reached my full height of 5'10" by 8 or 9th grade. Probably at that time, I would have just preferred to fit in. Getting back to what Ms Doyle and Hannah were saying in their books, there's an extra pressure in our society as women to be small--both literally and figuratively. I would not wake up from the fog of my brainwashing about systemic female oppression until age 31.
Maybe I wasn't present in my body too much because home life was stressful for many years. My parents divorced when I was in 1st grade. My school had a wonderful support group for children of divorced parents called "Banana Splits" and my parents also attended therapy. But living as a single parent is a big financial burden. Mom was starting a new business that would take many years to thrive. Dad was switching careers and attempted and failed to start a business with his brothers, losing a lot of cash in the process. These are all normal life things. Life is always going to go up, come down, go up again, and come down again. But children have a little bit more trouble with stressors because they don't have the skills yet to process difficult emotions and because their brains are developing and absorbing literally everything and internalizing it. In the 90s the conversation was just starting about stress and health but the literature and research on the importance of teaching and modeling emotion regulation to kids...I've only just started seeing that in the last 15 years. The rise of the home computer and pocket computer (smartphone) has made information much more accessible and I'm excited for children to start getting their emotional needs met as these ideas reach more parents. Which is all to say, stress at home can make children dissociate from their bodies. My retreat was in my books and so I was always up in my head. I have no regrets about reading so many books!
The team sport thing...I didn't like the fact that there was always a winner and loser. And I felt too embarrassed if I screwed it up for the whole team. With individual sports its only me who loses if I fail. With a team, there's a lot more pressure to perform well. I couldn't handle it! Just not part of my disposition I guess.

So these are some ideas as to why I hated exercise and my body in general. WHO KNOWS THOUGH. These theories are based on readings of how trauma affects child development. Maybe research will say new things in 10 years. Probably that's how it goes. But healing past wounds and reflecting have been transformative practices. Going back there and looking at the ways I was hurting and offering the Little Ali inside the comforting words I needed to hear then, now, as a capable and emotionally mature adult, works. I feel better. It's a better that stays feeling good and strong.

Things changed in college

I tried yet another team sport by joining the Cal Women's Rugby team my freshman year. I really wanted to like team sports, you guys! The problem was I wasn't in great shape and I was also partying a lot so I had trouble getting into shape and keeping up with everyone.

Limiting belief I had back then: I had to ALREADY BE GOOD AT STUFF. If I could go back in time I'd say to 19-year-old Alison: "Hey, yeah, you suck now but just keep showing up. You'll get better. Yes, you'll feel behind to start but pretty soon you won't be behind. Keep working hard and pretty soon you could be one of the best."

I quit the team and checked into rehab for what had morphed into an out of control drug addiction.

I found yoga that year which was so gentle and wonderful and met me right where I was, which happened to be adjacent to, but not yet inside, my body. I could quitely suck in a corner and no one would notice.

When I returned to finish college 3 years later I had some resilience skills from rehab, over a year of individual therapy, and a couple of years of yoga practice. Project body presence had been activated.

My roommate, Justin, who was a college triathlete, and my mom, who often wins 1st place when she competes running races, helped me pick out my first pair of running shoes and start a daily running practice.

My early years in running

I would run about 2 miles each day, very slowly, and feel pained and exhausted. There was no joy in it. But I did notice that my mood felt better and my head cleared each time I finished a run so I kept doing it.

I kept doing yoga. I got really into Bikr--The Rapist (will not type his full name) style hot yoga when that was having its moment and going to that nearly every day. That helped my running because I was strengthening my core muscles.

My first race

My first race was summer 2011, a 5k race on the beach in Pismo Beach. I ran it with a coworker from California State Parks. I realized having a social network of other runners felt supportive and encouraging.

I ran another 5k that year then my first 10k in 2012.

Then Born to Run came out!

Has any one book done more to help people find the joy of running??

My boyfriend at the time and I listened to the audiobook on a roadtrip that summer of 2012. Hearing about the minimalist shoe Tarahumara runners was great permission for me because I had always much preferred running barefoot to running with shoes. The 10k I had just run I did barefoot (it was on the beach but also with some rocky parts) despite everyone's advice telling me not to. I loved running barefoot! I loved the feeling of the ground on my feet.

I purchased a pair of Vibram 5-finger shoes and my bf at that time and I signed up for a 1/2 Marathon race for that fall.

I trained running in the beautiful rolling hills of San Luis Obispo County while listening to an audiobook on human evolution, The Third Chimpanzee by Jared Diamond. I still have fond memories of those warm days, clear blue skies, and learning new things through my headphones while working out my body.

The 1/2 was very painful! It was a challenge to complete but I felt such a sense of accomplishment. With running you can see the results of your hard work so quickly. It's the best feeling!

Chi Running

I was getting serious knee pain when I stepped up the mileage. Born to Run mentioned Chi Running then my friend Lana posted about Chi Running so I signed up for an all day workshop in LA January 2013. I learned better form for injury prevention.

This was one of the first times I spent a good chunk of money investing in myself to get better at a specific skill. Limiting belief: I can figure it out on my own-->transformed to: I learn from experts and get as much help as I can.

I ran my second 1/2 marathon that Spring and took 20 minutes off my time!

Knee pain = forever gone!

Marathon Running

From there it seemed like there was no limit! I ran the Philadelphia Marathon Fall of 2013 and the NYC Marathon Fall of 2014, supplementing running with CrossFit weight training 2x a week and yoga.

If you had told 18 year old me that one day I would run a marathon I would just would not have been able to imagine it. I would have replied flatly and matter-of-factly, "Yeah, no, not possible. I just can't."

I am so glad things have changed! Running is a practice that helps me recharge, reset, clear my mind, focus, feel calm, feel excited...and it's something I can do any time, anywhere with minimal supplies. Just put on some shoes (or not!) and go!

Make it your own

My advice to anyone wanting to try out running is to make it YOUR practice.

For me that includes running barefoot or with minimalist shoes. That's what feels best in my body.

I also love electronic dance/house music. Making long playlists and discovering new songs and artists who I can listen to while running is part of my running joy.

If I compare myself to other runners I will always feel inadequate. I have to show up for me and only me. I have to do my personal best just for me.

Make it social

I tend to get stressed running with others because I feel pressure to run faster and this raises my stress hormones in my body making it harder for me to run. But over time with practice, I've gotten more comfortable running with other people.

The November Project happens in most cities and is a fun way to run socially.

Strava app is so fun for connecting with your social network of runners. You can post runs and like and comment on friends' runs.

I joined the Every Mother Counts running team in 2014 and that has felt rewarding. We raise money and awareness for this nonprofit that is working to make childbirth safe for every mother.

Signing up for races also connects us with a community. Even if you don't think you're a "good runner," still sign up! Runners are kind people--they will always cheer you on to do your personal best.

Even if you're not ready to run a certain distance you can still volunteer at a race. I volunteered in 2013 at an Ultra trail race and got to meet Ultra runners and be exposed to the community. That was a great introduction to the sport. It's six years later and I only just ran my first trail 1/2 marathon a few weeks ago and am now training for my first ultra trail race, a 50k. So you never know the seeds you will plant and how long they might take to blossom.

Make your goal concrete

Sign up for a race, then google a training schedule and put those trainings on your calendar. When I have a race I have to run and a schedule to follow, that helps me get my butt out the door. I don't leave it up to "how I feel" or random chance. That's not training. We will rise to meet the challenge as long as we know what the challenge is.

Celebrating life

Ultimately running is about celebrating life and celebrating my body. I have fought hard to get back in my body and love the one I got. Each time I run is a practice of gratitude for this amazing and mysterious life and this strong and capable body that is my vessel.