Are you willing to be embarrassingly bad at something before you're good?

The first time I ever did yoga, the instructor had to put angled wooden blocks under my hands for the downward dog position because I had exactly this much wrist strength to hold myself up: NONE.

I found this example of a wrist block on the internet. Sorry for stealing your photo yoga dude.

I was 20 years old. I had never been fully present in my body despite taking years of tap dance and ballet as a teen. I look back and call former self a "floating head". I had zero muscle tone and what little I'd had shriveled up and died when I became an emaciated drug user at 19. 

Freshly sober and ready to try anything to get me feeling better and on track, I tried out yoga at the suggestion of my new housemate in Asheville, North Carolina. It was an Iyengar studio called Lighten Up that's no longer there on Biltmore Ave downtown in a cozy upstairs space. 

My wrists hurt. I got tired immediately. Holding poses for more than one second was agonizing. I had to rest a lot. I suffered. I hurt. I felt embarrassed that I sucked at it. I didn't go very often because I felt apprehensive about how difficult it was going to feel in my body. I was not resilient and I hadn't built up muslces yet. 

Not only all of that but also I didn't know, and I would learn for about a decade, this secret: we have to be embarrassingly bad at stuff first before we're good.

We have to hurt before it's easy.

The body resists discomfort. But it also craves it. We must train the mind to look ahead at the future rewards to endure the present pain.

I had none of these mental skills at age 20. I sucked at yoga for a long time. Part of the problem was I didn't practice enough. I wasn't committed to the sport. It felt more like a punishment. I attended maybe once a week. I didn't practice at home.

But that experience primed me and a few years later at age 23, following a breakup with a significant romantic partner, I came back to yoga with more dedication. I went for, what was all the rage in 2008, hot yoga by a certain-instructor-turned-rapist-who-shall-not-be-named (starts with a "B"). The yoga studio owner recommended going every single day for 30 days.  I did it and I felt great! I kept it up for about a year, going 3-5x/week I could feel my body getting stronger every day. My arms got toned. I slimmed down a little bit. My core felt strong. My mental game still not super strong. I still wasn't able to endure much suffering. And at 108 degrees F during the practice, there was much suffering.

I stopped going so often after that year. I continued to practice on and off over the years but in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to fully dedicate myself to the practice. That time finally came while living in Austin, Texas at age 31. I found a great studio called Black Swanand started going 3 times a week then 4, taking Vinyasa Flow classes in a heated room. What was even better was that friends joined me--that helped with accountability. 

Again, starting from scratch I was pretty terrible. I didn't need wrist blocks but I was out of breath every few minutes and couldn't sustain poses. 

But this time my mental game had changed. I was easier on myself. I didn't give myself a hard time for resting. I knew I would get better with practice. My patience was far, far greater. I just kept showing up day after day and little by little I felt better and stronger. When I need to rest, I rested. When I felt ready to push myself, I did.

Now I feel like a decent yogi. I can't do any super advanced tricks but I can do some cool stuff such as headstand posture. I can go a whole class without resting. I can push myself to new edges of discomfort. My muscles can burn and I don't freak out inside. I'm safe. I've worked on that a lot.

I am safe.

The safer I feel, the more discomfort I can handle and the harder I can work. The harder I work, the better I get.

Me last year. Not perfect. Not super flexible. But pretty strong! Decent. IN my body!

My whole body feels strong: legs, arms, shoulders, chest, core, back, feet. It's cool because I can run up a steep path and not feel winded. I can carry heavy things up several flights of stairs. I feel more energy throughout the day. I have endurance. 

My question to you is:

What would you like to be embarrassingly bad at before you get good? What have you been dying to try? What's been in the back of your mind nagging at you to start doing regularly?

And also: what are the demons in your mind saying? What tricks are they playing? Any of these?

• I'll look too fat in your workout clothes
• I'm too slow/clumsy/untalented
• It will be too uncomfortable meeting new people. I'll feel awkward. They'll be an expert and I won't.
• People will see me and think I'm terrible.
• I'll sweat too much and it's gross.
• I won't know what to do.
• There's too  many steps to learn. My brain is too slow.
• My body/mind just doesn't work like it used to!
• I don't have enough time.

These are all EXCUSES your brain makes up to stay safe and comfortable. But you don't even want safe and comfortable. When we feel too comfortable we start to get restless. And we can't seem to figure out why we "can't get no satisfaction" in our lives. We feel dull. We fight more with our spouse. We pick up little addictive habits like eating sugar and watching TV.

This is all a scheme by the mind to avoid the embarrassment of being really bad at something before we get good.

But now that you know what's up, you can beat your mind at it's own game. You can push through what writer Seth Godin calls "The Dip", that period of discomfort. If we can get past the dip we have the chance of being good. Or being okay but feeling amazing and alive!

When it comes to sports many of us carry around tremendous body shame.

The body shame is not your fault. You inherited it from:

• Society: all the negative marketing out there telling us to hate our bodies so we can buy stuff to make us better
• Photoshop: those models in magazines are NOT REAL. Not real life, folks! Fake images with body parts shaved off digitally. 
• Your parents: I've read that half of participants studied in the US have insecure attachment with their primary caregivers. This makes us feel insecure in our bodies. In another study rat pups who got the most licking by their rat moms had lower levels of disease later in life. How much "licking" (hugging, comforting, cooing) did you get from your mom as an infant and toddler? If it wasn't enough, you might be feeling a little removed from your body
• Your assailant: for those who are the victim of sexual or physical abuse, especially in childhood, and even emotional abuse or neglect, you would have learned how to dissociate out of your body because being in your body felt too painful. Help is out there! Please get the right trauma-focused therapist to help. Healing is possible no matter how deep the hurt.
• Your high school PE class: were you always picked last? Did you miss the ball that one time and everyone laughed at you? Growing up is rough! It's even rougher with team sports as kids.
• Your coach: maybe you had a terrible one who yelled at you and shamed you all the time.

Think about what past events you may still be storing inside you. Are you ready to let them go? Are you ready to be a new, stronger version of yourself? Do you feel strong enough to suck for a little while?

Here are some words of encouragement you can offer yourself the next time you're not sure:

• "Hey [Your Name Here], it's okay to feel embarrassed."
• "It's okay to feel unsure."
• "It's okay to ask a lot of questions to start."
• "It's okay to look silly."
• "It's okay to laugh at yourself."
• "It's okay to heal and let go."
• "I'm scared but I'm ready."
• "I'm strong and I'm especially strong when I slow down and pay attention to what strength feels like in my body. I feel strong."

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